Football games ...

I never went to high school and have only been to one football game in my life. My daughter is in band and wants me to be at her games. I have stood by for years for the protection of my children and missed so many important functions that I would have never missed had I not been forced out when a strong hold was taken over children. My sister has threatened not to allow my daughter to attend her own games where she is a leading member of the marching band. In the past I would have stayed away so make sure my children did not lose these privileges that my sister has turned them into. I am angry that my children are manipulated this way. I won't stay away from anymore games because if my child wants me there then I should be there for her.

I want my girls back in defense training karate classes that were stopped when my daughters were removed by the State of Florida.

Update: As of Mon, 2-4-08 Judge Rex Barbas has ordered that I NOT PARENT my children. I am not sure what this means. How does a woman who has devoted 16 years of her life to being the best mother she could suddenly stop doing a job she has dedicated the rest of her life to? This was ordered due to latest developments posted (here). I did get *permission to attend public functions such as ball games, but am not allowed to attend any *Parent Teacher Conferences. I don't need to attend parent teacher conferences because my children already know what I expect of them and are doing excellent in school. All I can do is make sure the girls know what I expect of them.

Irony perhaps that these girls need a parent and I'm the only one they have but am not allowed to parent. Life is strange at times isn't it?

I missed a call from my oldest girl today

I have been sick for a week with a bad chest cold that I have been treating with over the counter aggressive therapy of Dayquil/NyQuil and tylanol cold and sinus. I have also been taking Mucinex and drinking plenty of fluids and sleeping a lot. The call from my daughter I never heard at 11 am last night. She said Mom I have not heard from you in a week and I am calling to see how you are, you need to call me cuz I miss you. Naturally by the time I got this call it was 1 am and she was asleep so I called her phone and left a message. her situation has changed and now her grandmother lives with her while undergoing 6 months of chemo for Hopkins lymphoma. She gave up her room and has moved into the Florida room so her Grandmother can have her bed. I admire this young woman more than she knows.

She still has her job and is doing very well. She makes 100 bucks a week part time on the weekend. She still has her boyfriend and has had some problems with him. She almost broke up with him when she felt he had ignored her when they met up in public each with their own friends. She is convinced he is just shy and she has since reported that since she had a talk with him that he is now paying her a lot more attention and trying to not be so shy. This is a difficult time because I have to trust she has all the tools and confidence to take charge of her own relationships and make the right decisions. She has made some very important life decisions in the past and during those times I told her I had to trust that she knew what was best for her life and allowed her to make her own decisions backed by my full support. Like when she went to an inner city magnet school of law for a year then decided it was best for her to go back to public school and try to take extra classes to graduate early. She was worried that I would be disappointed in her but I could not be more proud that she at least tried it and went for it and done all the work herself to get into that school and was able to also decide it was not the right move for her.
She is doing well and is in the high school marching band. I am so proud of her and know that she is indeed going to take her life for a good long ride.

Case UPDATE, Judge rules DCF had no court order for case plan

The Judge decided that the state was wrong and did not have a court order for a case plan. I was aware of this and tried many times to no avail to tell the case workers on the case. The judge gave me back my unsupervised/unlimited visitation with my daughters and refused to accept the case plan by the state. This slows down the process of my getting my daughters back with me full time but at least I can see them without interference with the state.

I guess this is one time they found out they had no right to go in and change my visitation because as the judge stated the girls are old enough to speak up and say they don't want to see me. Naturally this is never going to be the case as they have no reason to not want to see me and never will. I don't have power struggles with my daughters and I treat them with respect and like young adults. I am very happy to be able to see my girls without risk of going to jail but not pleased that after all the stress and work I done towards that case plan they did not have a court order to even initiate it.

Little known fact

The first documented school tragety happened Bath, Michigan May 17, 1927 , I was surprised to learn this, more so after they claim that Va Tech was the worst school shooting in history. There may have been more killed by bullets but more were killed in Bath Michigan than in Va Tech, in may of 1929. A total of 38 children were killed, 7 teachers died and 61 others were severely injured. It was the worst school violence in our nation’s history, and still is today.

Judicial Review Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my juducial review and reunification is still the goal. My sister has told my daughter that I won't ever get my kids back so I am expecting her to make her move. I am surprised she is even attending this hearing but I am told the childrens presence was requested by the case worker. My goal is to get my visits unsupervised as I am in no way a threat to my children. If the state did not allow haters to use them as weapons against families, I would not be dealing with this today. I can't wait to see my girls but hope they handle this well and things go well.



On Monday I went for part one of the evaluation. I am still amazed. All the years when I thought I was crazy and would go see a shrink, they would tell me I was just fine and had figured a lot out on my own. I guess I get offended when under the scrutiny of others. When you put yourself out here, people will all form their own opinions about the circumstances. I do know that the state does not seem at all concerned with the abuse my kids are going through at the hands of my sister and brother in law. Each time I try to get them to see what's going on the case worker Adrien White tells me that they can't control what goes on in my sisters home. I find it odd that their job is to protect the children from abuse but they can turn a blind eye to what's going on under my sister's watch. Eventually people will be able to see what is really going on here but the most important is that my kids know and see the abuse for what it is and not let it affect their long term developement.

Mr Myers

My middle school principal. Mr Myers was my next role model. That man had his hands full with me. Seemed that when things went crazy at home I would act out in school. I was the kid in detention, the one not allowed to go to the Christmas parties because my grades were bad. I was not given ice cream and anytime conduct and grades had anything to do with school I was left out. It made me more angry, what did they know? I was getting raped at home, being beaten with tobacco sticks and cb radio antennas but they though that not giving me ice cream would hurt me. I was beyond bad, by the time I was 16 I hit a boy in the head with my purse, puncturing a hole in his head when my scissors went through the purse into his head, I got into a fight with Johnny Chadwell, over catching him kissing a girl in my kitchen and ended up hitting him with a wall ornamental sword causing him to be rushed to the hospital to get stitches. My uncle lied on me, and refused to retract it so I hit him with a chair, breaking his arm in 3 places. I broke one girls nose and, had managed to take my anger out on everyone but the man who deserved it. Mr Myers spent more hours sitting in his office showing me kindness at times when I would cuss him out and other times refuse to speak for hours while he sat there waiting for me to say a word. He was an inspiration to me, granted he never knew it in time. Later when I had dropped out of school I ran into him in the grocery store parking lot. I asked him if he would remember me the next time he had a child out of control. I asked him to dig deeper and told him what my step father had been doing all those years. I hope that he was able to go on to make a difference in the next Tammy he ran into.

To Principal Mr. Mathis 1978- to 1982

I know he is long gone as he retired during the time I was very young. He was my kinder garden principal and the first person to ever make me feel safe. It was the day I ran head on into another boy by accident and bit off the end of my tongue. I ran into the office and the nurse helped stop the bleeding and Mr Mathis came out and took me to his office to lay on his couch. He said to me that I was going to be okay now because I was on his couch. I think I stopped crying knew I was going to be okay. I have always remembered that feeling and seek it out in life. I do not remember feeling it again until I was 16 and became sick at a friends house. I fainted and when I came to barely made it to the bathroom to hug the toilet. My friend Stephanie was there and I heard her say, " Thank god Lisa cleaned the toilet today" Here I was upset and unable to help myself and she was glad I was hugging a clean toilet. She was on the phone with hospitals and nurses for the half hour I was out of it trying to find out what to do to help me. I now know that the feeling is one of genuine concern and it's the safest I had ever felt in my life at that time.

Brittany loses custody of her Children.

I have just heard about this and am disgusted with how these people portray this girl.



Rule of Law when it's given to her against the law. Ambivalent



Confront things you don't want to confront.



Judges orders are serious.



Judges orders are meant to be followed.



Out of Control



Brittany was ordered to turn kids over Wed but she delivered them 2 days earlier then goes out and gets a tan and goes to the hotel and parties with little emotion. They say she was smiling because everything is terrific.



No role model growing up so she can't show it to her kids. The former party boy kevin fedderline now has custody of the kids. Despite his past, he is looking like father of the year.



Act responsible.



Brittany needs an intervention?



It's very sad how every aspect of her life is up for public scrutiny. I notice the images they are judging her for are those that others are making bank on. Why are they not taking more images of the kids, who has them when she is out?



If people cared about her kids they would leave her alone. It's sick how people have made millions off her image and now will make it off destroying her family.

My Adoption

This was a frightening time for me. I had always known this man who was raising me to be my father and to be told that he was not and was going to adopt me was confusing at best. My feelings for this man at this point was pure fear. His threats had been made clear over the years so I was forced to sit in a court room under his ever so watchful glare through those big coke bottle glasses and tell the judge it was what I wanted. It was not what I wanted because what I wanted was this man out of my life. I am not sure of the date or year this took place but am going to find out. It's time to unseal those records.

Many years later my mother dressed me up and took me to Jacksonville to serve papers to an attorney for financial disclosure. He was the attorney for the Swishers at that time.